Saturday, October 25, 2008


all (one of) these squawking (mocking) birds (humans) won't quit,
building nothing, laying brick (s) (walls.)

side note:
do you (my house mates) remember when i once yelled "crosswalk, sucker!" out the car, to some pedestrians? and you (one of you) (lindsey) thought i said, "squawk, squawk, sucker!"?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Prop 8

Disclaimer: I did not write this. I found it in a friend of a friends blog.. some guy named Robbie [shout outz boy] and I happen to share a lot of the same feelings as this guy.. but he puts it better than I ever could.

Now, I'm a faithful, somewhat liberal, gay Californian Latter Day Saint living in Utah. Not that that fact lends my thoughts on this matter any more validity than anyone else's. Just that I want people to know where I'm coming from. I am aware that the word "gay" connotes entire lifestyle choices to many readers here, so I will clarify: I am attracted almost solely to other men, but I also believe the Church when it says that to act on homosexual desires is wrong. Many would call me naive in my attempts to remain faithful to my religion, but I am insulted by the notion that people (particularly homosexuals in this instance) are incapable of controlling their impulses and living by a higher moral law. I am very tolerant of others' making the choices from which I intend to abstain. I also know many people sneer at the idea of tolerance because a degree of disapproval inheres therein, but I can think of no other word for how I feel about it. I try to live by a double standard when it comes to ethics and morals: I am very permissive with others, while trying to maintain a behavioral stricture for myself.

I struggled with the Prop 8 issue the moment I heard about the letter from the First Presidency to the members in California. I was disappointed that this issue received so much more attention than other recent moves from the church intended to reach out to its homosexual population, such as the pamphlet entitled "God Loveth His Children," which can be read in the church website. I also wish the government would stay out of the marriage issue altogether, and was saddened to see that the Church was supporting a constitutional amendment that would only serve to further enmesh the legal apparatus with the issue of marriage. I also have many friends (a brother and a best friend included) who are living active gay lifestyles. I love these guys. My best friend is dating a wonderful guy right now, and I would love to see them happy together forever. I also have a very strong sense of live-and-let-live morality; do whatever you want, as long as your actions don't impinge upon my own liberties. And the issue of gay marriage feels like one of those times when it couldn't hurt the church to allow the gays to change the label of something they already have.

A few feeble reasons have been presented. The case of the Catholic Church choosing to discontinue their adoption agency in Massachusetts after the judicial decree that they place children with gay couples is evidence that maybe at least some of the Church leaders' warnings are not merely slippery-slope scare tactics, but rooted in verifiable past experience. The Church's claim that marriage is ordained of God could be expressing a claim that marriage is not a societal contract between people, but rather something older, immutable, and God-given.

Still, these are claims that pale in comparison with the apparent (or perceived?) effects on the homosexual people of disallowing marriage between two members of the same sex. Furthermore, these claims are not ones that could be made to persuade someone in any secular light. To me, the obvious choice is to allow gay marriage.

However, I am cognizant of the fact that I have not attained the longest view on any earthly matters. I do have a testimony of a living prophet (and that testimony has been reinforced recently due to my soul-searching on this issue). It is strange to me that the church is taking such a strong stance on what appears to be a political issue. My political views are sharply contrasted with the commandments I've been given from the church. But I have to remember the watchtower metaphor: the man up in the tower shouts warnings and instruction to the people below, and the wise heed his words because they know he knows something they don't.

For me, it all boils down to this quote from President Harold B. Lee:

"The power of Satan will increase; we see it in evidence on every hand. …

"Now the only safety we have as members of this church is to do exactly what the Lord said to the Church in that day when the Church was organized. We must learn to give heed to the words and commandments that the Lord shall give through his prophet, 'as he receiveth them, walking in all holiness before me; … as if from mine own mouth, in all patience and faith.' (D&C 21:4–5.) There will be some things that take patience and faith. You may not like what comes from the authority of the Church. It may contradict your political views. It may contradict your social views. It may interfere with some of your social life. But if you listen to these things, as if from the mouth of the Lord himself, with patience and faith, the promise is that 'the gates of hell shall not prevail against you; yea, and the Lord God will disperse the powers of darkness from before you, and cause the heavens to shake for your good, and his name's glory.' (D&C 21:6.)" (in Conference Report, Oct. 1970, 152; or Improvement Era, Dec. 1970, 126).

The promises made in that quote are powerful, and they're what I truly want out of this life. I really do believe these words from one of our latter-day prophets.

I do worry that people will read a quote like this and become myrmidons. That sort of unquestioned loyalty is what leads to the worst of inhumane atrocities. So let me be clear that I would never obey a commandment with which I disagree. But I will appeal directly to God to ascertain that a new commandment is indeed from Him. That's what our leaders have counseled us to do (indeed, it's the counsel that led to the first vision in the first place): to appeal directly to the source of all wisdom. One can receive a second witness of the prophet's words through the Holy Ghost.

That's the invitation I'll be making to my friends who are pondering what to do and on which side of the line to pitch their tents. The invitation to not just go out and vote based solely on political ideologies or visceral reactions to sensational pleas and anecdotes. Nor do I want people to vacantly follow the instruction of any leader or activist. I would have people take all of those things into account and ask God in humble prayer (being willing to have a change of heart if the answer is contrary to the one expected) what their responsibilities are vis-a-vis Proposition 8. If you happen to get a different answer from mine, I will support you in your decision, knowing that you (like I am) are choosing to act on your conscience in the best way you know how.

When I did that, I received an answer that I can't rightly defend to other people using the usual logic and rhetoric. But when people ask me how I can possibly defend such a notion, I can view it as an opportunity to bear my testimony of a living prophet, whose purpose is to be the mouthpiece for God and help set a common course for people in a time when so many divergent paths are viewed as the right one.

In fine, I don't urge you to vote yes on 8, but I urge you to turn the question directly to your God and act accordingly. Whatever decision you make, I love and respect you, and I hope the best for you and for all of us.

Friday, October 17, 2008

stone foxes, fleet foxes

LAST NIGHT I WENT TO A FLEET FOXES SHOW! I AM WRITING IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I AM STILL SO EXCITED! i love the fleet foxes, but aside from that, this was the best live show i have ever experienced. i dare say they might even sound better live than in the recordings. the vocals and harmonies were literally stunning. robin sang 4 or 5 songs by himself, one being completely unplugged and acoustic, in the dark, over on the side of the stage. i'm not even embarassed to say i peed my pants a little. you would have too. for your viewing pleasure: a video clip of mykonos and some pictures.

if there's one thing i learned when i was still a child, it's to take a hike

this post is delayed because my computer has been out of order for a few days, but on tuesday ariel and i went on a wonderful hike up in sundance. i don't think i've ever enjoyed being outside so much in my life. it was beautiful and it helped with my breathing issues. after hiking 2 miles, we arrived at some breathtaking waterfalls and a river where we made tea and meditated on the masterpiece that is life. here are some pictures documenting one of the best days i've had in a long time.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

laughable, man.

i have never known the meaning of "starving student" until just now. this very second. i am starving, and i am a student. today i ate a box of macaroni and cheese. in 3 sittings. it was good, but i am still starving. i have 20 dollars in my bank account and i have 100 dollars left to spend on my credit card, with monthly payments of 60 dollars. for some reason i can't stop laughing! luckily, i still have some things that can't be bought or need not be bought because i already own them.. here is what they are:

-some ugly clothes
-some good memories
-a car
-a room in a house, maybe not for long
-a brain that works okay
-a heart that usually fails me
-a little bit of faith in something.
-some friends, some times
-a family that probably cares if i'm alive
-did i mention, memories
-dreams at night
-and at day
-something to live for: fleet foxes in one week
-a couple role models
-some hair
-this conversation with my friend patrick:
Patrick: i am alright and you
Adrienne: same. same as im beginning to think i will always be.
Patrick: na things always get better then they get worse then they get better again its about finding the koy int the moments in between.
i just made that up you can quote me
i know i sound sage right
well i am bitches!!!
Adrienne: hahahahahahahaha
you made me pee my pants a little
Patrick: oh and its joy not koy
Adrienne: yeah i got that
Patrick: why would you pee your pants that is sage wise advice
and counsel
you like how i repeated myself twice with out really repeating myself
Adrienne: actually yeah
you are blowing my mind right now
Patrick: i am such a genius!!!!!
if everyone was as smart as me the world probably wouldn't blow each other up
Adrienne: our minds would just blow up
so worth it
Patrick: yeah agreed

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

on Christ

"Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse." -C.S. Lewis

makes sense.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

sweeping the dust off a dirt road

marissa paolacci is the queen of my life.

also, unlike my friend chris (see below) i enjoyed general conference very much (unto the swelling of my heart and soul with peace and truth etc) and i would like to, once again, publicly announce my testimony of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints.

i would also like to say thanks to my friend ariel for being my friend and for spending the weekend with me.

also, i would like to say to my mother that people do change. thank goodness for that.

i guess that's all. but i would like to again emphasize my second point. because it's the only thing that matters.

thanks for reading.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

original soul

this past summer, chris allman was just another guy on the street. actually, he was just another guy at sego but he looked like he could have been just another guy on the street. he was wearing a cool womens shirt which i wanted. if he bought it at DI, i'm sad i didn't find it first. but if i couldn't have it. i'm glad it was him. it wasn't until he fell in love with my wife marissa that i subsequently fell in love with him. it was also after reading his "event" description for his non event on facebook, it was really a comedy CD release make enough money for gas to drive to olympia party. since then, i've talked to marissa on skype while he patiently waited on the other line. we sometimes write each other fb comments and write on each others blog entries. that's really the extent of our friendship. it's all because marissa is in ukraine and chris is in olympia and i am in provo. when they both get back, we are going to be the 3 bears. the good news bears. not to be confused with the bad news bears. we're going to make treats for me but i will share them with marissa and chris. also, we're going to do other cool things, but sometimes i won't hang out with marissa and chris because i anticipate them wanting to be alone sometimes.

(normally, i would have cropped our faces onto these 3 bears but i think they already kind of look like us. and especially chris, and especially cause he's not wearing pants.. i can see him doing that.)

chris allman is one of my BFF's and he has a wonderful heart.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

original mind

this post is deticated to scott munro. because we were once friends in real life, and now we're friends on facebook. <3333333333