dear anyone,

i have no friends. i just wish i had like one friend you know.. because i miss saying words to people and meaning them and feeling like the things they say to me have meaning behind them. everyone around me just talks. it's like they're robots. and i also feel like i have no present. like you know, past present future. i feel like all i have is my past.. haunting me. like my thoughts and memories, obviously, long for the past. but also facebook, the mini feed shows me pictures of "friends" who i once knew and spent time with and now i'm shown how they all just spend time with each other. and they all seem so happy you know. i even went to red robin today which, ironically, was like a ghost town. because it was between the hours of operation. usually i look forward to the future with hope that things will and must get better, but i fear because every day that i continue living this life, gets worse. it's been like that for the past 9 months and somebody told me we can determine the future by the past. like how the sun rises each day. or how the sun sets each day in this case. i just want to walk into the presence of a friend and collapse.

addie

activity

today, i worked at borders where i don't know anyone and don't know how to do anything and i don't make any money.
soon, i will watch womens conference by myself.
tomorrow, i will work all day and it will probably go by very slow and the store will be empty and i will probably not have much human contact.
monday, i will go to school and learn about things i don't care about and then i won't do my homework.
then, i will watch movies all day and not talk to anyone. aside from when i come downstairs to eat where a few words will be said to me and i will return a few as well.
everynight, i'll lie awake in bed wondering when life is going to mean something.

adrienne barringer

i named this post after myself.

Lately i've been watching a lot of movies on www.surfthechannel.com. If you have never heard of this site, I apologize for being the cause of your future wasted time. These are the movies i've watched and my brief opinion on them.

Lars and the Real GirlI thought this movie was whimsical, funny, and moving! JK! but i really did! definitely my favorite movie i've seen lately. it's all about the characters and their development and i've come to learn that this is what i appreciate the most in movies. and i feel like it had some GREAT acting that contributed a lot to the touching plot. really really good. two thumbs up for you lars.

PsychoI am getting ready for Halloween. and i've never seen this before. can you believe that? The simpsons episode referencing bates motel was just way over my head. i liked this movie! 7 out of 10! Sometimes these older movies are too slow for me but i was able to follow this one. It's a classic horror film plot, and i think i read that it was the first scary movie to focus on psychoanalytical material. cool! one downfall though, i didn't think the shower scene was all it's cracked up to be. nonetheless, hitchcock, you're the man.

Hannibal Rising
Without Hopkins, who cares?

No Country for Old Men
Obviously the cohen brothers can do no wrong, but it wasn't my favorite. basically: good acting, cool but not a seemingly super original plot, too much gore, pretty cinematography, minimal dialogue, very minimal soundtrack (like, there's almost no music. kinda cool kinda lame.) i also have a problem with storylines not being wrapped up. it kind of makes me want to die. meh.

Aside from those, i started watching Ratatouille and Wristcutters, but got ADD about 30 minutes into each. They both seemed pretty good, so maybe i'll finish them someday. Next i plan to watch Ingmar Bergman's Seventh Seal, because i heard it's his best movie.. and also the site doesn't have Persona. sad.

Does anyone have any suggestions for me? :)

Sissyphus

So today in my ethics and values class, we discussed Camus' essay regarding the Myth of Sisyphus. As the story goes, the gods had condemned Sisyphus to a life of perpetually rolling a rock up a mountain, letting it fall down, and rolling it back up again. Camus compares the life of Sisyphus to almost every member of our modern society who blindingly goes to work everyday and lives a life of repetition and null of purpose. Sisyphus, unlike us, is said to be conscious and completely aware of his existence. As an existentialist who mainly wants to know why anyone should go through life without blowing his/her brains out, Camus is intrigued by the capability Sisyphus has to find contentment in his tragic fate. The discussion was essentially about the option of choosing happiness, in this dreadfully tragic life, no matter what your circumstance.

this is all very interesting and relevant, however, Camus' essay is not the point of this blog.

During our class discussion, the girl next to me was bawling. Like, weeping. Aggressively wiping tears off her cheeks and sniffing the snot back into her nose. I couldn't figure out why? Was it because this idea of creating your own happiness was so inspiring to her? Or because she had tried to find this happiness within herself and failed? Had she become conscious of her existence right in that moment? Or because she once dated a guy named Sisyphus and this whole 50 minutes brought back painful memories? Or was she doing a sociology experiment on me? Any ideas? All i know is that she worried me a little bit and I probably won't sit by her again if I can help it.

Also, as we were taking roll, our teacher asked a question about the name origin of one Frank Edward, and why he goes by Eddie. The girl/human proceeded to explain how he was named after his father and grandfather but was getting a sex change operation so needed a more gender neutral name. Our teacher proposed that "Frankie," in reference to Frank E would be a better choice.

School is kind of a trip. Life is kind of a trip. Good thing I have a french existentialist to remind me that I can be happy through it all.

the sweater blog

get it, like the sweater song? well hello. so, i got a new sweater! here it is!



This is how it's normally worn.


This is how I'm probably going to wear it sometimes.do you think i'm cool? lol.

everything all the time

hi! i suck at blogging. i just want to apologize for that. even though nobody reads this. i'm going to get better once i start caring. ...starting NOW! this is going to be my best entry EVER. tell your friends. are you sitting down? well stand up. this is a party. this is a blog party. and it starts right now.

current obsession:

my obsession with halloween has reared it's ugly head.. and specifically this masterpiece of a movie has inspired me to be sally for halloween.. not original at all and somewhat emo but hey, thats me

current musical enlightenment:FLEET FOXES. are you kidding me? am i really alive? yes, but it's because i've died and have been resurrected and now i'm in heaven. fleet fox heaven. watch/listen HERE... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCzIw4W7fdQ

current nostalgia: my little brother looked like this for 3 years in a row.

current omfg:not really but, who knew i'd ever want to vote republican?

current "can you be mine?":and/or a job. and chris allmans comedy cd. and afton.

current phone/ex bf:no comment

current philosophical/moral/ethical/ conundrum: marissa is in the ukraine?

current me:

again

iiiiiiive got nothing to giiive
got no reason to liiiiiiive.
but i would kill to survive
ive got nothing to hiiiiiide
wish i wasnt so shy.

yeah.

you know that song by the strokes that goes:

iiiiiive gottttttttt nothing to say
ive got nothing to say
ive got nothing to say
nananana dismay
i've got nothing to sayyyyyy.