hundred and twenty onest

i decided i don't like my ward. which is weird, because at first i thought i really did. or maybe i just decided i really would. anyway, it's not about anyone in particular, it's just the ward collectively. the collective vibes if you will. i feel like they wait to talk to you until they know you have something smart or funny to say. you have to prove yourself. it's not like i think they are judgmental or anything. it's nicer, more subtle than that. it's like they let you decide how they're going to judge you. i can see it in their "let's see what you have you have to offer" stares. so maybe it's my fault, maybe i just wasn't in the mood to make friends this semester . and why should i be? friends just move away, get married, change, make it clear they have no intentions of "jumping through hoops for you"... stuff like that. either way, it doesn't really matter to me because i'm moving in a week. i guess it makes it easier to say goodbye, knowing you're not really going to miss anyone/no one's really going to miss you.