paintings i completely adore

don't you think?

the lights go on, the liiiiights go on.

but seriously, i make stupid decisions sometimes. and it's not like they're life changing or life THREATENING but they're just unnecessary and i know that. i should be focusing more on making really GOOD decisions, like things that will take me in the direction i want to go, rather than being okay with doing some stupid stuff every now and then because i think it won't matter. i should care about my life more. and like value every day. right? well today was pretty good. i basically did homework all day (which i might like to think was a really good choice on my part but rather i was somewhat forced by procrastinations wrath.) anyway, working hard really is an admirable quality and i shall strive to possess it more. i should take my own advice when i advise marissa, "THE WORLD IS NOT A JOKE!" but let's be honest, the world is kind of a joke. tee-hee.

now everyones favorite part of the day, YADA YADA!:
-i was just cracking my knuckle on my cheekbone (i do it to every solid part of my body) and i'm pretty sure i just slipped and knuckled myself in the eye. ow.
-no two people who claim "cognitive disonance" as their "life story" could make it work. at least until one of them changes their claim.
-sigur ros movie at velour on friday. i offered to work for my friend. might have to declare grandma's death.
-did you hear what the pope said? he said, "either our church is true, or yours is (the mormon church.) either there was an apostasy, and there was need for a restoration, or there wasn't." sweeettt logic, popey! (pop eye? cool movie. haven't seen it for a while, i should rent it.) i like that he says either the CATHOLIC church or the MORMON church is right. that's better than debating between like 500 churches. and, well, obviously, my church wins.
-it snowed a little today. cute for a second but, i pretty much hate the snow.
-after tomorrow i am done with my hispanic culture project, and then i only have my 4 page paper on GONE WITH THE WIND, and my 15 page sustainable agriculture paper to finish. sweet deal. christmas feel free to start washing over me.
-gone with the wind is not that good of a movie. i had to pause it and take like a 5 hour break. i am about to start it up again.
-wish me luck.

only love.

the only explination

i am either out of my mind or i lack one. what a swell life to live.

i have nights cloak to hide me

i'll go on, no such sight to be shown but to rejoice in splendor of my own.

how goes it, kind minions? happy belated thanksgiving. dude, i'm like TOTALLY thankful for you.
but srsly, if love be rough with you, you be rough with love.
what to share with you...
marissa and karleigh and i are watching romeo and juliet. the drugs are quick. as i get older this story seems more and more bogus. haha. PSH, LOVE, who falls in love anymore. pleeeease.
siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggghhhhhhhhh
from my lips by thine my sin is purged... give me my sin again. that shake-e-speare. what a guy.

OH-don't you love it when you figure things out? i can never heard/understand derek at work and assumed he just mumbles or talks quietly or something. but then today derek asked bryant to do something, and got mad when bryant didn't hear, to which bryant responded, "MAYBE IF YOU WOULD TALK IN MY DIRECTION."
derek doesn't talk in peoples directions. that's funny to me. i think he's shy. today i told him he was cute and he said, no, ugly. (which essentially made him cuter.)

so, music. how pleasant. my new favorite hobby is searching for artists on myspace music and going to the 10-50 sites that claim to be the artists', but really, they are just people posting their music. and sometimes they make the songs downloadable which is fantastic for me. i'm going to make a cd of all this ecclectic crap.
currently i need to listen to more of:
beirut
tom waits
the fall
band of horses
wolf eyes
rogue wave
the shins (ha ha, just kidding.)
or anything that isn't your typical indie twee pop.
whatever else. feed me musica. my mouth and heart and ears are open.

just call me emoly

i feel emo. maybe it's all the EMO music red robin was playing today.
hey there delilah give this song another listen close your eyeeeeesssss
or maybe it's cause i haven't gotten a full 8 hours of sleep in a while.
and i need to clean my room
and i need to do some laundry
and i need to buy new shoes for work
and i need to do soooo mucchh hommeewoorrkkzzz
and i need to buy food
and hang out in salt lake more
and mack on boys
not girls!
now i'm just babbling
PSYCHO BABBLE
anyway
you know who i feel like sometimes? elliot sherman. he's a pretty smooth guy but like some people just don't get him. and then he feels akward and like he has to try to be cool so then he just turns into a fool. so i mean, if you don't GET me.. don't talk to me!!!! take a hike!!! get out of my face.
dude im soooooooo tired and thinking about deleting this blog but i kind of want to add one since it's been a couple days
SORRY THAT MY LIFE IS SO UNINTERESTING TO YOU
see? emo.
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

a rave (yeah, that kind.)

i had such a good day! i will share with you why.

today, Afton and i went to the TRC (MTC - helping missionaries by pretending you are the investigator while they teach you lessons.) at first i was hesitant, thinking i wouldn't know what to say or something. but afton and i had the sweetest missionaries! the first two we're both of hispanic decent, and were on their way to argentina, yet they were still struggling to learn spanish. it was cute. well the lesson was going good and they were doing a great job, but when a certain elder Ray got to bearing his testimony on Joseph Smith and the restoration.. it was pure magic. the Spirit was so strong. afton thinks we had a strong spiritual connection or something because he was pretty much looking into my eyes the whole time, as he's on the verge of tears bearing his testimony. it was just so lovely. i felt like i did when i was 12 and would feel the spirit. choking back tears and smiling uncontrollably. i probably sucked at my job, because i didn't dispute anything they said or really ask any tough questions. but it was a cool feeling to realize i didn't even want to FAKE that i didn't believe what they were saying. basically it was just a really great experience and i'm excited to go back every week.

ANYWAY, when we were done with that afton and i went leaf collecting to make art which turned out pretty dope.

THEN, marissa and i confirmed our plans to eat thanksgiving dinner at the marriot hotel, and then chill in salt lake and watch the J. Smith movie and maybe volunteer at a homeless shelter or something. can't waaaaitttttt

AND, ACOUSTIC NIGHT TOMORROW! i'm getting so freakin pumped. we actually have a lot of people who want to play, which i was worried about. and i know at least half of them are good. should be completely kickin. COME!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST, OF MONTREAL ON FRIDAY!!! with that comes SALT LAKE and with that comes URBAN OUTFITTERS!!..peeing my pants... and CHIPOTLE. and jeri and maybe tanisha and derek and james and the PIE and whatever else we want.

ohh and i finally burned the across the universe soundtrack onto a cd so i can listen to it in my car.

OH!, and, this weird smell that no one enjoys but me is infiltrating p-town. yeah, God loves me.

as some have said, life is so goooooooooood.

"untitled"

sometimes, there are just no words.
wwwoooooorrrrrrrrrrddddddsssss
haha
<3

just wondering how , never got cold wearing nothing in the snow.

i feel like i talk about the same things and people all the time but i don't care. tonight at work, i said to derek, "remind me to tell you my life story." and it kind of got me thinking about how far i've come. first of all, a little background on what me and derek were discussing because that's worth mentioning.

me: derek, i heard something about you.
d: it's not true.
me: i heard you used to be active. like recently. that you would say things to ben like, hey ben, what do we believe about this? so that i can prove to my friend that we're right.
d: yea.. i was a teacher. but then i just got turned off to the whole thing because of my ward.
me: what happened?
d: they suck. they treated me crappy.
me: dude. that's sad. that's not what church is about. go to your friends wards.
d: they suck too.
me: yea, utah is weird. i have a cool ward. come to mine.
d: okay, maybe.

a little later in the night..
me: tell matt he has to come to my acoustic night.
d: we gotta buy him some weed so he can write good music for it
me: don't encourage him, he wants to go back to church
d: dude, he's the one that got me smoking weed.. if it wasn't for him, i might be on a mission right now
me: you can still go!!
d: no i can't
me: yea you can dude. i believe in you. remind me to tell you my life story later.

so, sidenote: let's hope derek goes back to church so i can marry him

but anyway, i was thinking about what all i would tell derek if i ever do get a chance to tell him my life story, and i was like dooooood... i was such a bad-a. probably worse than derek. i don't know that much about his personal life but he seems pretty level headed. i was like, out of control. i guess it's not chill to get into it over the innernetz but i am just thankful to have ended that chapter in my life. it was pretty freakin scary. and honestly, it wasn't that long ago. like 3 years. and it took me everyday of working hard during those 3 years to make improvements. i could never have imagined how hard it would be, yet at the same time how worth it. i really feel like a different person. it's swell. anyway, to derek or whoever is reading this, the church is true, little darlings. do whatchu gotta go.

you sing me to sleeeep

to quote joel barish, "why do i fall in love with every person i meet?"
i must have a crush on at least, 6 people at the moment.
i guess that's a good thing.
to quote james mcomber, "everythings so lovely when you're not in love."
mmmmm. SWEET SONG JAMES!
now meaningless commentary:
i smell like ciggarettes
did mike and briana REALLY get married in the temple?
beaver pelts?
colin is not friendly and finally, i don't freaking care
i wanna watch eternal sunshine now...
gotta study for art history and write 2 essays for a total of 18 pages.
where the hell is night night from and why don't they have a myspace?!?!
all my roomates are getting sick and i'm scared
oh, and they all hate my rat so let em suffer.
you do not get first dibs just because you're old.
i hope marissa is still cool when she gets back from idaho.
good night.

if i fell

my neck hurts. i didn't cry today. okay, i might have shed like 3 tears but cmon. that's much better than the last couple times. i just don't understand the human race. when people piss me off, i often say "nobody cares about anyone but themselves," hoping they will get the point, and i'm really started to believe that. i know that's like a super negative way to look at the world, but i also think it's just extremely realistic. that's how humans are. that's how i am. it just sucks when you have had your eyes opened to it. ignorance really IS bliss. but i mean, most people aren't mal intentioned. so there ya go, i'm an optimist again. life is just OKAY. it's just medium. and happy mediums are hard to come by so, we all win forever.

let's get out of this country

i dunno, maybe if i knew anyone was reading this it would inspire me to WRITE A LITTLE MORE.

here's the scoop on my europe trip:
going to these countries-

portugal
paris
london
belgium
amsterdam
copenhagen, denmark
oslo, norway
stockholm, sweden
finland
st. petersburg, russia
prague
vienna, austria
venice, italy
milan, italy
florence, italy
rome, italy
naples, italy
switzerland
monaco
barcelona, spain
madrid, spain
bilbao, spain

we cut greece dude. and maybe a place or two in italy. i mean, we gotta spend more than TWO days in paris! and i was rallying hard for ireland but wah wah it's hard to get to or something. it's like, an inch away from london on a MAP. anyway.. looks like we'll be spending a significant amount of time in italy, which is cool, but i'm super excited for portugal, amsterdam, st petersburg, and BARCELONA! and of course finland, to see the lovely aura family. that will be so sweet. anyway.. that's pretty much all we have planned so far. we're still trying to plan our specific activities, but first we all need to figure out our definition of culture. it's pretty complex. i'll post updates when i have em.

loooootttttttssssss of loooooovvvvvveeeeee and candy canes and stuff,
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